I Don't Want to Go in the Girl's!

Yesterday, Elizabeth had an early out so Nathan, Rilla, and I picked her up and ran some errands. Our last stop was Shopko. Nathan needed to use the Restroom. I took him and waited patiently outside the door of the Men's Room. He insisted he could handle it himself. He did. We returned to where we'd left Rilla & Elizabeth. Shortly, Nathan panicked. He informed us he needed to use the bathroom again. Elizabeth was getting nervous about the time. She had Color-guard practice and needed to go back to school. I suggested that she take Nathan and I'd take Rilla to make our purchases. Elizabeth was still waiting outside the Men's Room after I'd checked out so I told her I'd head out to the car, put the bags away, and get Rilla into her car-seat. When Elizabeth and Nathan finally came out, they were both in tears. Nathan had pooped and couldn't wipe his bum to his satisfaction. The store employees were laughing as they heard his plea for someone to "wipe his bottom." Elizabeth didn't know what to do. Nathan began screaming and crying. The employees then asked Elizabeth what the matter was. One of them checked to see if anyone else occupied the men's room. Elizabeth was allowed to enter and assist her little brother. She did.
Post-Trauma Commentary:
Nathan, worried that I'd had left him, and stated, "Mom, maybe I'm not ready for the boy's one."
Elizabeth stated, "I just didn't know what to do. Everyone was watching. I just didn't know what to do."
I laughed and assured that if she would be late for practice at least it was a sympathetic story.

Needing

Nine years ago I drove Elizabeth to Kindergarten for the first time. I walked her to class. I pulled her close to wish her a wonderful day and she surprised me by jumping up into my arms holding on with fierce determination. Everyday for the first 3 months of school, I would pry her out of my arms and passing her off to a loving and patient teacher. As I quickly returned to my car, Elizabeth's sobbing would echo in my mind triggering some tears of my own. I ached and longed to just keep her with me: to prevent the tears and dramatic partings. Yet, I knew she needed to be at school, and prayed it would get easier on both of us.

There are still times when Elizabeth needs me. Every Doctor, Orthodontist, Dentist, Orthopedic, and Lab visits she needs me. I am still needed to coax or sometimes carry her into the office. I am there to hold her hand, rub her legs, play with her hair, or even restrain her while an unpleasant procedure is performed. At those terrible moments when I am using all my strength and weight to hold her down and she is screaming at me and everyone else, I still yearn to end her pain. I want to leave too. I want to promise we'll never need to return. But, I can't. Some things we just have to endure. I do promise to be there with her. I also promise and reassure her that while I do not enjoy her radical tantrums, I will love her in spite of them. Her guilt and sorrow after the episodes also tear at my heart for I know those emotions too and wish I could take them away. I hold her close and whisper soothing words of confidence and love to her.

I need Elizabeth too. I need her help with kids from time to time. I need to know how she is feeling about things. I need to know that she is ok when I am not there with her every moment to protect her.

I dropped my Freshman girl off for her first day of High School. She was loaded down with school supplies, water bottles, her assortment of flags for Colorguard, and a heavy heart filled with worry. I awoke extra early, showered, and dressed anticipating escorting her to the Freshman Assembly. I wanted to watch her first performance in front of her peers. I needed to know how her day would go. I wanted her to know that at least one person in the room was cheering for her. I pulled up to the curb and told her I would park and meet her inside. As she faced me to close the car door, she leaned in and with a determined plea begged me to not come. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, closed the door, and walked bravely away. I cried all the way home. Need is a funny thing. It changes and takes various forms. But I suppose the one constant is at the end of the day, Elizabeth still needs a hug, a kiss on the head, and to hear those magical three words: "I Love You." And, I need to let go and wait for her to return.

6th Grade Graduation

Noah's 6th grade graduation was beautiful. He presented a speech that was fun to listen to as well as meaningful. I think he has mixed emotions about leaving Wasatch. It has been a wonderful year with a close class.
These are most of the 6th graders in our ward.
These are some of the girls in his class. I embarrassed him by taking this pic, but I am a mom...
This is his best bud, Clark. I think they look similar and equally happy.
The tradition is for the 6th grade to do the Maypole at graduation and then the next day at the Dance Festival. The colors of the ribbons were so amazing against the blue sky.
I love that he always looks for me to see if I'm watching him:)
Noah shaking hands with the principal, Mrs. Densely.
Noah with his teacher, Miss Lloyd. She has been wonderful. Pink isn't so bad.

Elizabeth's 14th Birthday

Elizabeth's birthday fell on the last Monday of this school year. She really wanted to eat at "Los Hermanos," and so her wish was granted. She still loves the chips & salsa! And, the fried ice cream they give the birthday girl is a special treat!
Rilla enjoys the chips and salsa as much as Elizabeth did at her age. However, I didn't give her the bowl to drink from:)

After dinner, we went home to open presents. Tessa made a HUGE card that brought HUGE smiles. We gave her some season tickets to 3 musicals at the Hale Center Theater. It seems pretty low key, but I think she felt loved!
The Birthday Party was a hit! We set up a HUGE tent in the backyard with blankets, pillows, games, and treats. We strung lights around the patio. We lit a fire for hot dogs & s'mores. The girls took it from there, I just had to keep the little ones inside... I of course, was not invited, so these are a few of the pics the girls took...

Math for Emma

There are 8 people in our family.
7 have been to the Dr.
Each Dr. visit is $15.00.
Each prescription for antibiotics is $5.00.
If we spent a total of $135.00,
How many people were diagnosed with Strep Throat?

Ice Age

For Christmas, Emma received ice skating lessons from Santa. She has really enjoyed them and is doing great! With her lessons came a punch pass to visit the ice rink for some extra practice. The first time I took the girls and enjoyed watching them skate. The second time I took all of the kids except for Rilla. I barely endured helping Nathan "skate" around one time. In fact, he cried after only going around 1/3 of the track wanting to go home. Skating is not his thing. I took him home and then returned to the rink to skate with the other kids. We still had a little over an hour of skating time. I was a bit jittery at first, but was happy to be skating. I enjoy it just as much now as I did as a child. I definitely wasn't doing any fancy tricks or even going too fast but I was having fun with my kiddos. I had just reminded my kids that we had less than five minutes left to skate when all of a sudden I felt PAIN in my bum and then heard a loud whack and felt immense PAIN on my head. I have no idea what happened. Though I felt completely humiliated, I truly did not know how I was going to get up let alone drive us all home. I knew it was a bad fall because 2 ice skating attendants helped me up and followed me off the rink and stayed with me until I left. The DR said I suffered a mild concussion and agrees I probably bruised my tail bone. Ray insists that IF I go ice skating again I must wear a helmet. I just think I'll go and quit 10 minutes earlier :) I hate experiences that bring me to the realization that I am getting older....

Hair Evolution

The week before Valentine's Day I thought I'd be a super cool mom and try out some new "heart" hairstyles on my girls...While I thought it turned out super cute, my poor Emma came home in tears being called, "Medusa" the entire day....Perhaps the original plain ponytail has survived for a reason...true evolution at its best.

Versatility of Oatmeal

I do not know how Rilla ended up with Nathan's bowl of oatmeal. Nor do I know how it ended upstairs. I do know that she had a wonderful time spreading it all over the floor and herself and then had fun sliding around in it. I also know that she enjoyed eating some as she went. What I am most happiest about however, is that I have grown as a mom. If this had been Elizabeth I probably would have started crying especially since I'd just mopped the floor. Instead, all I wanted was to find my camera and make sure she'd stay put until I could take her picture :) And, I figure an oatmeal bath must be good for her skin :)

Family Picture 2010

My friend is in charge of making sure that every family in our congregation has a family picture to put on a bulletin board. I realized we haven't had one taken since last Christmas...so here it is...a very unprofessional snapshot capturing us remarkably well.

Rilla decided that one drawer wasn't enough to accommodate all of her needs so she now has also acquired a closet.

My Space

I suppose even the youngest of us can appreciate the significance of our own drawer space. Rilla decided to make this drawer hers. She dumped the original contents out and moved right in. She can often be found eating a snack or playing with a toy. One thing is certain it is her space and no one is going to attempt to tell her otherwise.

Nathan's Fourth Birthday

In anticipation for his birthday, Nathan tried hard to be good. His only request was that we acknowledge he'd be turning 6 and not 4. Not wanting to lie, I would simply nod and then state all of the great things about being 4. The reason that seemed to catch his attention was that he would get to stay home with me one more year before starting kindergarten :) Truly I am honored.

Nathan's greatest anxiety on his birthday was that he didn't feel like he'd grown enough. We all tried to soothe this fear by listing all of his BIG accomplishments such as successfully using the toilet and being able to knock on the neighbor's door all by himself. This has become a boost to his ego since he now feels enabled to disappear next door without asking or telling me where he's going.

So, after much discussion, worry, and persuasion the big day arrived. Nathan beamed when he awoke to birthday greetings. He basked in the lime-light of his day. The worries subsided as he clung to the festivities.

We treated Nathan to his favorite breakfast: Pancakes. To make it more special Ray covered the entire pancake with whipped cream. Nathan was Happy!

We had planned a fun birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Nathan had never been and wasn't too sure about going. He only was willing to get in the car because Emmy was riding with us. However, when we walked through the front door, Nate's expression said, "I Love This Place!". He was in little boy heaven. He enjoyed all of the games, the show, the rides, and the tickets. He has been relentless in trying to commit me to another play date with Chuck E. Cheese.
The highlight of my day was seeing all of my children gathered round Nathan to help him put his Lego set together. It was really cute.
Surprisingly, the boy who HATES pink, demanded a pink cake. So, I came up with a strawberry chocolate bundt cake with chocolate ganache frosting. It was sooo yummy that I was happy he'd begged for a pink cake :) With the cutting and eating of cake the knowledge that one's special day will soon be over. As a pretty smart guy, Nathan knew that eating birthday cake accompanies nighttime which signals the end of a wonderful day. With this realization, Nate asked if we would promise to have a fun birthday for him next year. No problem Nathan!
This is a re-take because the first pictures didn't turn out...and then the battery died...so Nathan was delighted to blow out candles twice, but first I had to sing "Happy Birthday" to him :)

All Before Noon

I awoke, showered, dressed.
Started some laundry.
Dressed Nathan & Rilla.
Fed everyone in shifts.
Drove Elizabeth to school.
Assisted Emma & Tessa in choosing outfits and then brushed their hair.
Found a long sleeve tee for Noah.
Washed some dishes.
Swept a floor.
Took the dog out: twice.
Drove Noah, Emma, & Tessa to school.
Collected some items for a preschool science experiment.
Ate a non-fat Yoplait yogurt while preparing a preschool art project: Boston Cream Pie (Really yummy!)
Changed Rilla's diaper.
Set up marbleworks tracks.
Taught preschool during which I cleaned up one enormous spill, wiped 20 hands covered with paint, sent those hands to wash properly in the sink, mopped up the 3 inches of water in the mudroom, put Nathan in time-out 3 times, changed Nathan's clothes twice, caught Rilla in the paint twice and cleaned her up, and everything else I normally do for school.
Said goodbyes.
Swept the floor.
Cleaned up our painting mess.
Took out the trash.
Prepared lunch for Nathan, Rilla, & I.
Changed a diaper.
Changed Rilla's clothes after noticing her bum was soaked.
Solved the mystery as to why Rilla's bum was soaked: Nathan had wet the floor while being in time-out.
Bathed Nathan.
Mopped the floor.
Washed clothes.
Fed Rilla & Nathan.
Put Rilla down for a nap.
Dressed Nathan.
Ate lunch.
Introduced quiet time to Nathan to insure me some time-out time of my own.

Nathan is a Sunbeam

Nathan is no longer in nursery.
His last week in nursery was a good one. He finally enjoyed going and referred to his teacher as his friend, Julia--wanting frequently to call her for a play date.
While happy at his recent contentment I began to worry about the transition into Primary.
His first week as a Sunbeam, I was subbing for the chorister. Nathan was clinging to my skirt until it sunk in that if he wanted a turn to help me he had to be sitting reverently on his chair like all of the other children I was choosing to help. At the end of the day I thought maybe there was nothing to worry about.
Week 2 in Sunbeams quickly reinforced all of my concerns. After chasing him around the room, catching him, and placing him upon his chair a dozen times, I found his dad. Ten minutes later Ray came back to report that Nathan had hid behind the pulpit but was sitting quietly and paying attention. Nathan's teacher had moved to sit close to him and so we felt all would be ok.
Next thing I know I've put Rilla to sleep and 3 people are hollering at me in urgent panicky voices for me to leave my class. Luckily, my friend took Rilla and I rushed out to learn that Nathan had taken off and evaded his teachers. I calmly searched the building and found him hiding under a small table. I asked him why he had run off and he answered, "I am scared of that big room!" I took him to his small classroom where he seemed excited to be. His male teacher inquired as to where his wife was. I realized she must still be searching for Nathan. I quickly fled searching for her. I found her shaking with terrifying sobs. She held me tight for what seemed like an eternity as she kept apologizing. I tried to soothe her while wanting the right words to come to mind to express my only concern for her well-being and my apologies for her having to be Nate's teacher, without sounding like an unfeeling parent who wasn't in the slightest worried about her son's safety....We'll see what happens this week. All I am praying for is that his teachers have experienced the maximum trauma possible and that any other Nathan behaviors will pale in comparison.

Nathan Incident

A neighbor recalled this Nathan incident:

Nathan was sitting in church backwards and on his knees. He slipped and fell through the back of the chair onto the floor.

Nathan said, "Ow! I hurt my arm. Story of my life!"

I don't know where I had been when it happened, but it was still hilarious just to hear it told.

Christmas Fun

Decorating the house for Christmas is one of my favorite things to do. I have 3 large trees: one for remembering family members, one for the Children to help me decorate, and one for my entry way that brings me serenity. I usually feel oodles of Christmas Cheer and am bursting with Joy. This year, however, I felt more like Ebeneezer than Santa.

I had vowed to not buy any toys. I rationalized that we have enough toys and could use our money more wisely. Perhaps resisting the urge to find the "perfect" present removed some of my excitement for the season. I also limited my neighborhood treats this year. I reasoned that I would make 3 batches of treats and when we'd given them away I would be done. Of course this objective pushed me further along the path of being an over-all scrooge. I did, however, consent to collecting one "toy" per child from Santa. It was then that I found a tiny happy bubble begin to swell within, but not full enough to pop. I made more treats to give away. And, I determined to do a family activity every night together during our Christmas Break. These activities did not always work out the way I'd hoped, but the Christmas Spirit came to me and into our home. Children make Christmas wonderful! I don't regret limiting our toy accumulation, just my attitude towards it. We didn't need toys, but we did need some fun time spent together. I think this Christmas will be a memorable one for all of us.

The first activity was to ride the train to SLC to participate in a Messiah Sing-Along. I had always wanted to go to this and was extremely excited and motivated to bundle us all up and venture out on this cold cold night.

The train was very crowded with hundreds of people hoping for a fun family night just like me. Noah & Elizabeth were excited to stand up bumping along with strangers. Noah burst into song embarrassing his dad and inviting his siblings to join in. While singing, Do you like Waffles, wasn't the best choice for Christmas Caroling, it did seem to lighten the journey and caused a lot of laughter. When we finally arrived, we were sad to hear that the thousands of seats had been filled and we wouldn't be able to get in. So Plan B was initiated: We would go see the lights at Temple Square. I suggested that we hop back onto the train and then get off at the Temple stop. Ray, however, argued that it was just too close to ride. After carrying Nathan 6 blocks in windy frigid temperatures to Temple Square, I was less than cheerful and was ready to go home. Enduring patiently and refraining from punching your spouse does pay off. The children had such a fun night. Nathan was eager to greet each and every baby Jesus at every life sized Nativity from several countries. Our tummies began to grumble since we'd planned on eating hot dogs at the Sing Along. We walked (again I carried Nathan) another 6 blocks to the only restaurant I was sure would be there. I ordered a reliable comfort food: soup. With a happy tummy I bundled us up to brave the cold again as we walked to a train stop to await the train. Sometimes the joy is in the journey, sometimes the test is to enjoy the journey, and sometimes we just do our best to make the journey. My hidden treasure in this journey was seeing my shy & quiet children surprise me with their daring spunk & cheer. It was magical.

Our second outing was to drive through the lights at Thanksgiving Point. We had never done this before and I didn't know what to expect. I am happy to report that it was fun and enjoyable. It was another cold and windy night which dissuaded my spouse from parking the car to see the reindeer and sip hot cocoa...but I suppose if we did everything we wouldn't have something new to do next year?

Our third surprise outing met some unwilling participants who did NOT want to go if we were going to see more lights or if we'd be outside in the cold night air. After giving the best guilt trip speech I could give, we quietly drove to the location of our surprise outing: A boat ride on the river to see Christmas Lights. While I wouldn't consider the large raft we were on a boat, and while I thought the lights were a bit bare, and the whole event a bit hokey, my children probably loved this outing the best, which of course made me love it too.

The fourth night was Christmas Eve. Ray surprised me by suggesting that he take us all out to dinner so I would get a rest. Nathan for once sat still and stayed on his chair and still we managed to break a glass full of water. Of course we were seated in the middle of the room for all to see and gawk as the kind waitress swept up glass shards through a small pond of water reaching 5 or more yards out from our table. When we got home we prepared to do the Christmas Play. I am certain that if we'd had any loving and kind feelings before they quickly vanished as the arguing began..."I want to be Mary! You have to be the Angel! You are Always the Angel! I want to be a Sheep! We will not have you be a sheep! I want to be a Wise Man not Joseph! You are Always Joseph! That is why I want to be a Wise Man! I think Rilla should be the baby Jesus. Rilla will not be the baby Jesus. I want to be the baby Jesus! You can be a Shepherd or a Wise Man or Joseph. I only want to be the baby Jesus. You can't be Joseph, Noah has to be Joseph! And on & on it went....Until I shouted that we were ready to start and Tessa had a melt down because we hadn't practiced. I reminded her that we never need to practice and that we 'd help her know when to come and where to stand....So with pouting and tears we had our Christmas Play. Somehow in the doing, we found joy and ended the evening singing Carols while Elizabeth accompanied us on the piano. That was the redeeming point for me.

Mary sadly traveling alone to Bethlehem.
And so I conceded to allowing Rilla to be the Baby Jesus.
An earnest Shepherd.
Finally, a Joseph who thought he was another Baby Jesus.
All smiles for a final picture...

Christmas Day was reserved for playing together. It was a wonderful day and truly I felt the magic and finally felt completely full of Christmas Cheer & Peace.
Pajama ready with anticipation oozing to see Christmas Presents. And of course Grandma Ellgen's hand made gifts brought the most smiles!


Rilla took a long time opening her presents. She quickly discovered that there was candy inside the stockings and so she crawled around merrily snatching her siblings treats unnoticed.
Perhaps the one thing that brought the most joy into my Christmas was making these two mini scrapbooks for Nathan & Rilla. Nathan's book only took me 3 1/2 years to finish while Rilla's quickly came together in less than a week. I was rewarded for my efforts as we continue to read through them together.

Our 4th outing took us to In & Out Burger. I have to admit that even though I grew up in California, I'd never eaten there. So it was a fun first to do all together.


The 5th outing we went to Jump On It. I had as much fun as the kids did. Nathan & Rilla both relaxed and out bounced us all :)

Our 6th outing was to see a movie on the "Big TV" (theater). Ray & I enjoyed chasing Rilla around in the foyer during the movie.

Our final outing was my personal favorite. We were blessed with some new snow just perfect for sledding. Everyone had a blast! and we only quit when my feet started to get wet and the sun began to set.
It was nice having help pulling Rilla back up the hill or we'd have quit pretty quickly.
Tessa loved going backwards.